The big news
‘Neymar is friends with F1 star Hamilton and reportedly once dated Chloe Moretz… now he’ll earn £500,000 a WEEK as he becomes the most expensive player ever at £198m’ – MailOnline.
Important reminder: He is also a footballer.
To Paris with clicks
Toby Gannon describes himself on Twitter as a ‘Digital sport reporter for The Sun‘.
Sport? It’s a massive stretch…
‘Who is Neymar’s girlfriend? Bruna Marquezine has had an on-off relationship with PSG star’
The article begins:
‘NEYMAR’S world-record Paris Saint-Germain move is not the only reason for fans to be excited.
‘For the Brazilian’s stunning on-off girlfriend Bruna Marquezine could follow her man to the City of Love.’
Well she could. But it seems unlikely as they are not together and he’s not actually ‘her man’ at all.
But still…here are 17 photos of a pretty girl. Job done.
And we still don’t know why fans (of who?) should be excited about said pretty girl moving to Paris.
Bizarre segue of the day
From Mark Irwin in The Sun:
‘Neymar, 25, will become football’s first £½m-a-week footballer when he eventually completes his eye-watering move from the Nou Camp to the Parc des Princes. He will earn £250m over the next five years.
‘The knock-on effect of those wages are already being felt across Europe, with Arsenal offering to double the wages of top earners Mesut Ozil and Alexis Sanchez this summer.’
So the ‘knock-on effect’ of a transfer which happened on Thursday August 3 were offers reportedly made to Ozil and Sanchez in January. Somebody at Arsenal has a hell of a lot of foresight; they really should have used it to predict that relying on Francis Coquelin might not be the best idea.
Working 9 til 10
The Daily Telegraph are not ones to hesitate when there are galleries to put together and Friday August 4 is no different; they have two new galleries for our viewing pleasure.
Published at 9am: ’11 huge transfers that could happen now Neymar has joined PSG’
Published at 10am: ‘Which Premier League deals will happen this summer, which might and which won’t?’
At 9am, Philippe Coutinho to Barcelona ‘could happen’ because – and this makes almost no sense – ‘they be powerless to stop Coutinho from leaving the Premier League’.
By 10am, Philippe Coutinho to Barcelona ‘won’t happen’ because ‘Coutinho might be interested in moving to the Spanish giants, but Klopp has stamped his foot down’.
That power balance shifted awful quickly.
Spurs fans may also be interested to know that between 9am and 10am, Dele Alli to Barcelona also moved from being a ‘huge transfer’ that ‘could happen’ to a ‘Premier League deal that won’t happen’.
An hour is an awful long time in football.
Honey, I Shrunk The Odds
Mediawatch does not know quite what to think about The Sun’s Merseyside man Phil Thomas writing about Manchester United’s squad in embarrassingly glowing terms. Maybe being banned from both Merseyside clubs have given him nothing to do but stare at the Manchester United squad list:
‘NOT since Sir Alex Ferguson had the hairdryer on full blast have Manchester United gone into a season with such a warm glow.
‘Less than three months after stumbling home in sixth, 24 points adrift of champions Chelsea, there is a genuine sense of hope again.’
It’s an odd piece for Thomas to write – saying nothing that anybody with a passing interest in football did not already know – and it ends thus:
‘Mourinho’s options are almost limitless. No wonder their title odds are shrinking almost by the day.’
Except, well, they’re not.
Let’s take The Sun’s own betting company as an example.
Odds on Manchester United title triumph on July 4: 3/1
Odds on Manchester United title triumph on August 4: 10/3
‘Shrinking almost by the day’? No, that’s a drift, fella. Apparently the one thing that continues to be limitless is the laziness of those who do not take two minutes to do the most basic research.
Fountains of Wayne
Everton beat Ruzomberok on Thursday night in a Europa League qualifier. Wayne Rooney played for 86 minutes and did enough to be given a rating of 5/10 by the Liverpool Echo, who said his ‘influence was not what we might have expected’ against a Slovakian side.
The opening line of The Sun’s report?
‘WAYNE ROONEY’S European dream lives on.’
Because that’s definitely the story.
It’s going to be a long old season for Everton fans interested in anything but Wayne sodding Rooney.
The alternative intro of the day
From wacky Mike Walters in the Daily Mirror:
‘RONALD KOEMAN may have escaped the Europa League booby trap, like a boarding-school master who spotted the bucket of water balanced on top of the dormitory doorway.’
Is it 1952?
You’ve been ad
— MailOnline Sport (@MailSport) August 4, 2017
We cannot stress enough: This is a sodding advert.
Not alright, Jack
Mediawatch largely agrees with The Sun’s Neil Ashton that it is a shame that Jack Wilshere has lost his way at Arsenal but it’s a tad harsh to say that the Gunners ‘have moved on’ and then write that ‘they contest the Community Shield at Wembley on Sunday and Wilshere is not expected to play a part in it’.
Well, he has only this week returned to full training after breaking his leg in April, Neil. Give the boy a chance.
Recommended reading of the day
Julien Laurens on Neymar and PSG.
Richard Jolly on overspending.
Ronaldo on Ronaldo.